Sorry I haven’t been writing. I had an excuse for a few days, but last night I could have written and didn’t feel like it. It was one of those times I ended up reading a particular news story that just blackened my mood completely. And not only was it something terrible to read, it reminded me of something terrible that happened in my life. I just wanted to sit by myself all last night and feel angry. It’s amazing how you can block something so traumatic until years later. It only takes a word or phrase to trigger that torrent of emotions.

Doing a little better this morning.I also had a good dream this morning. It was stupid and superficial; basically all the television shows I watched this week smashed into one long stream of consciousness. Except some people were their characters, and some people were themselves. I remember at one point, I ran into Chuck Bass at a restaurant. And he was like, “You’re so naïve. I like you.” And I kind of blinked, “… Thanks?” He did Patented Chuck Bass Aggressive Grin: “We should continue this witty banter over a multi-episode arc.” I had to go, though, to do something else. I saw Chace Crawford on the way out, and he was just normal Chace. I borrowed his shirt, and he wanted it back. He was crazy-nice. “Just drop it off at my apartment,” he said, waving. “I left a key under the planter.” NO TIME FOR THAT, CHACE. I have to get out of here. I couldn’t figure out why I was in New York, but I knew I was supposed to be back in North Carolina. So I wound up at a Hertz car rental place, and Michelle was waiting. “WHERE WERE YOU?” she spazzed. “Hugh is FREAKING OUT. He doesn’t want to be late.” And there is Hugh Laurie by the rental counter, looking like he’s having a nervous breakdown. He’s not dressed like House at all. He has a Hawaiian shirt on and cargo shorts. Old guy vacation gear. He looks like he should be our dad, seriously. “BECCA!” he yells in this perfect British accent. “Oh my God, my car. Where is my car? Are they bringing it around? How does it work here? I need to be in Raleigh in five hours. I need to be there in five hours, Rebecca– REBECCA. We need to leave. I’m in a panic. I think I need some water. REBECCA IS THERE WATER?” I’m like, “There’s no way we’re going to drive to North Carolina in five hours. You need to take a plane.” For some reason, we end up getting in the cars. Michelle and I have a sedan, and Hugh is following us in this Smart Car. Michelle is turned around in the passenger seat, making hand motions at Hugh (maybe we were pulling off for gas or something), and I hear a squeal and a crunch. “OH HUGH,” Michelle says. I’m like, You’re kidding. Michelle and I pull off, and there’s Hugh on the side of the road, his car completely smashed in, and he’s British Hysterical: “Will it drive without the transmission? Do I need to look before I change lanes? Oh, I should have looked! I didn’t look! Can you put the wheel back on, Rebecca? Who’s going to call Hertz? OH WHAT WILL I TELL HERTZ!” and he’s turning in a circle, waving his arms around like crazy, and I look at Michelle in my dream and we start laughing behind our hands, because– well, the palm tree shirt by itself is hilarious. Anyway. That has nothing to do with anything, but it improved my mood by the time I was awake. The big news isn’t probably as exciting as I made it out to be– I mean, it’s all exciting news, and I was extremely stoked, but I got a mix of Good News and Great News all in a few hours time, so my freakout was based on quantity as much as quality. I am not pregnant– Michelle is not pregnant. Someone close to us is, and they haven’t told everyone yet, so I’m not announcing anything here. I’m guessing in the next few weeks I’ll be able to say something. For the record, if I’m having another baby, I’m not going to be coy about it. Heh. It will be all over here, Flickr, Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, Digg, Fox News. Every place I can possibly announce it. You guys will know within an hour of me knowing. I won’t keep that secret. Michelle, like I said, is not pregnant. There was some discussion the day I posted that she was going to GET pregnant– which added to my Best Day Ever! spazz– but now I’m not sure what’s going to happen. Their plans vary from hour to hour.

The work news is ours. Jason came home with some company paperwork on Friday that was EXTREMELY nice. The wheels are in motion now, but since nothing has officially happened yet and there’s a big confidentiality clause, I have to keep mum on the subject. Suffice to say, if everything goes according to plan, we’ll be able to take that big Disney World vacation this summer I’ve been dreaming about for four years. I didn’t even know if Jason was going to tell his mother; that’s how private it was. We just didn’t want to jinx it.

So: this long weekend. I’m not in the mood to do this like a normal entry. I think I’m just going to sum up all the things I remember.

Fast forward through the four-hour car ride. Nothing happened, except a brief stop at McDonald’s for breakfast. Get to Sharman’s, unpack. She talks a little about Mamaw and shows us her new toys. The kids play. She and Jason do Rock Band 2. I thumb gingerly through the consolation cards on her end table. There are so many– she must be well-loved. Good.

Brief trip to my parent’s house to set up. My dad is angry. Someone is always angry in our five-person family, and it’s just a Russian roulette who. Hang out with my mom, Michelle, and Jessie in the basement. Jessie has a little pregnant belly. We talk about Ben finding out about it being a boy, and being proud of the penis size. This is a common reaction among men, I say. Michelle makes some joke about her baby girl having boobs, and her boasting about it (JUST LIKE HER MOM!), which was really funny in context but seems kind of creepy now. Put up decorations. Fun fun fun.

Back to Sharman’s. We make a band (me: vocals, Jason: guitar, Sharman: drums). Sing “Move Along” in the most karaoke way ever. I’m going to have to record this stuff someday. It’s pretty awesome in a trainwreck sense. My voice is the ‘Twilight’ of singing. Kids are having the time of their lives in the background– Sharman found boxes of Jason and Jacob’s old Ninja Turtles and Transformers from the early 80′s. (Chris sees the collection later and almost passes out.)

Chris picks me up in his car to take me back to my parent’s house, because it’s raining, and I don’t want to take our car with the carseats in case the kids need to go anywhere, and I don’t want to move them to Sharman’s car, and I don’t want to take Sharman’s car in case I pull a Hugh Laurie. During the drive, Chris talks about their house and then says he and Michelle probably aren’t having kids for awhile– but he would like to, but they can’t, but they could, but they won’t, but they might. I walked away more confused than ever. I shared it with Michelle, who said that’s why she’s in the dark too. (I was thinking in my head “THIS IS MADNESS.” and then mentally replied with “NO– THIS! IS! SPARTA!“, and had to try not to burst into giggles.) (I forgot how much I love ’300′.)

Here are some pictures of the party. It was standard in most ways. Pirates, pirates, more pirates. Pirate games, pirate drinks. About an hour into the party, a haunting began. This was my favorite bit of the night. Fog seeped out from underneath someone’s seat– the lamps began to move of their own accord– a bottle smashed against the wall– eerie moans echoed from the walls. For about thirty full seconds, people were uncomfortably nervous. Michelle did a seance with a skull that shook in response. I think this would have gone down better with more sober people– by this point, almost everyone had a drink or two (or four or five), so they weren’t able to follow what was going on. The whole mystery of the haunting involved going out to a voodoo hut, and then to a graveyard (all in our yard), and then a mysterious necklace that pointed the way to a body that had a sword that had a trapped spirit of a man who was murdered by the husband of the woman who he was having an affair with who ALSO owned the tavern and they had to use fire to release the soul of the man so his crewmates would go to the afterlife. I think. It ended with my father putting a wood sword into a torch and an explosion. And then people saying THAANNKK YOOOUUUU in the background. And then everyone drank a lot.

Audrey made me a drink, which was good initially but got grosser the more I had of it. She said it was because the alcohol was on the bottom and Diet Pepsi was on the top. Heh. I know some people really can’t taste alcohol, but I ALWAYS can. With the exception of the Yin-Yang drink at The Melting Pot. Which was delicious.

The more drunk everyone got, the funnier I became to them. I’ll be honest; I can be really obnoxious. I don’t need to be the conversational leader, but if you hand me the reins, I’ll run with it. I’ll just be all WHERE DO YOU WORK! DO YOU LOVE IT THERE! YOU DON’T! YOU SHOULD QUIT! LIFE’S TOO SHORT! I LIKE PANCAKES! I THINK I’LL WORK AT A PANCAKE STORE! YOU SHOULD WORK THERE WITH ME! LET’S GET PANCAKE TATTOOS! YES! RIGHT NOW! I’M SERIOUS! I LOVE YOU! I had to ask Michelle the next day if I was actually enjoyable or not, and she was like, “EVERYONE THOUGHT YOU WERE AWESOME!”, which was a relief. She could just as easily have said, “EVERYONE WANTED TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!”

Get home just after midnight. Nelly drives me back, and we talk about books. She asks me to send her ‘Zombiefighter’. I wish I hadn’t just ripped apart the entire thing. I had an epiphany at 2 in the morning that was like, Why don’t I change the entire course of the book?– started editing it– realized I liked it the other way better– tried to edit it back– and currently it’s in a worse place than it was a week ago.

Jason and kids are asleep in the basement. Jason wakes up when I give him a kiss. I tease him about this on the ride home, because he ALWAYS reacts like this– he opens his eyes, which are crazy red from being bloodshot, looks around once in deranged wonder, zones in on Girl Body in front of him, and puts his hands out like a zombie: GIMME. “No, I don’t,” he argued later, blushing. “Every time!” I promised. I tell him a little about the party, but he is still totally in Zombie Mode, and should probably start sniffing my head soon for sweet, sweet brains. Okay. Good night, Jason. I’ll talk to you later. And I’ll be sleeping over THERE.

The next day is the pumpkin patch. It took forever to actually get there, and Michelle and Jason almost collided their respective cars on the way. It was hilarious to both. They should be more related than they even are. Addie and Elias look so so so cute and the first ten minutes is just us squeeing over their little pants and shirts and jackets.

Michelle has to go to work an hour and a half after we get there, so we only get to do a few things with them: hay tower, hayride, and giant slide. Hayride was awesome. Shelly makes faces over everything.

I laugh a lot. Elias is scared. A lot.

Chris thinks everything is random. Jason just likes sitting down and being pulled in a tractor. Addie eats kettle corn and probably doesn’t realize anything else is happening in the world.

The giant slide was also a winner. Chris waited, and the rest of us went on it. Michelle had Eli, I had Addie, and Jason went alone. This slide was as big as a mountain, seriously. Addie didn’t react to it at all (I think she still had popcorn in her hand, and was eating it as we went). Elias was terrified, but by the bottom said it was GREAT and the FUNNEST! Did he want to go again? “No,” he answered solemnly.

We watch Elias go down a kiddie slide, and Elias go on a rope swing. These were the last two things Michelle and Chris saw before they left. And they were pretty anti-climactic. Elias literally just swung INTO the foamy sea. He didn’t try to jump or anything. The kiddie slide was drama, because parents were doing it all wrong– one dad was going down with his daughter, accidentally let go of her, kid is careening down the slide screaming, the dad comes after, trying to slide and catch up, then another dad at the top tells his daughter to go– realizes she’s headed for a slide traffic accident of screaming, flailing proportions– throws HIMSELF after her– I have my hands over my eyes– and then someone at the top tells Elias to go, too. So we’re yelling STOP ELIAS! STOP! and he manages to actually monkey-splay his legs across the slide and hold onto the sides in the middle of the hill. He saves everyone from another body on the pile. He does a touchdown dance at the end. Success!

After Shell and Chris goes, we do face painting and the corn maze. Corn maze– the CORNUNDRUM– has various paths with different surprises in them. Like a vortex; which was you going into a dark tent and then walking across a metal grate while a glowing tube of lights spun around you. It was insane. Elias apparently collapsed on the bridge when they first went in, and Jason thought he had a seizure. It was just too much for him– he got dizzy. One tween girl was apparently holding both sides of the bridge and yelling WOAH WOAH, preventing people from getting past. Jason was holding Eli and said, “Get out of the way, please,” and pushed past her.

JASON: Everyone else was grateful. They all said, “Yeah, let us out of here! We’re getting sick!” and left the vortex.

BECCA: … Wait, how many people were in there with you?

JASON: I don’t know.

BECCA: Ten? Fifteen?

JASON: I don’t know.

BECCA: And nobody before you thought to tell her to move? They just stood on the bridge, going WOAH WOAH and thinking they were going to vomit?

JASON: …

BECCA: I’m sorry, that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I can imagine paramedics being called to the scene. A pile of bodies in the Cornundrum Vortex. Too much spinning. Not enough courage to leave.

The highlight of the maze was two boys dressed as corn, who did the Jump On It dance from Fresh Prince. Addie watched in amazed delight. When they finished, she clapped and announced: “i like you, bananas! you’re crazy!”

Get our pumpkins. Kids are exhausted, and fall asleep in the first ten minutes of the drive. Hours back to NC. It goes quickly– we get to share stories from our time apart. And– hmm. Not a ton has happened since. My computer is dying, which is part of the reason this entry was slow in coming. It gave me a screen of death FOUR TIMES while writing this. I’m so frustrated with this MacBook. The sound is glitchy, the keyboard is stuck or broken, it’s started just randomly hibernating. I shouldn’t need a new computer. This is only two years old. We catch up on all our television, which is hours and hours, and I watch ‘Mad Men’, which doesn’t help my bad mood. I never finish that show feeling anything but frustrated and offended. And maybe that’s the idea– maybe that was the 1960′s in a nutshell. It doesn’t help that there isn’t a single likable character.

Eli stayed home from school today with a cough, and he and Addie painted pumpkins. I can’t believe it’s almost Halloween, and almost my birthday. I’m sure the whole aging thing is weighing on me too. I joke so much about getting old, but this is the first year I’ve actually felt like I’m Getting Old.

And– I have to go. There’s some game called Wolf going on in the background, and I think Elias is the title character and Addie is the role of fresh meat.