Not even wrong.
2 Jul
I took a pregnancy test yesterday, and it came back negative. I wasn’t trying to stir up too much drama in the am-I-am-I-not department, but looking at my symptoms logically, there was definitely cause for concern (extreme exhaustion, heightened anemia, morning nausea, bathroom trips every four seconds, food cravings, and my favorite, the crazy dreams which usually involve sex) (PS: thank you, Mr. Krasinski, and I will be reading TWoP’s “Office” boards before bed more often).
I spent most of the last two days assuming I was pregnant, though, and giving myself a Get Out Of Jail Free pass when it came to housework. So now I’m just fat and slovenly. Boo. My mom is coming tomorrow, and I need to pull it together.
Not a huge amount of note. Talked to:
Michelle, who is in Brooklyn, helping out at a new Ikea store. It’s a mixed bag. Always nice to be picked out for a special assignment, but she’s also lonely there. She’ll be back Saturday, so that’s nice. To cheer her up, I told her a story about how Addie defecated all over my floor, and when she showed me, demanded eagerly: “you like it?” The answer, astoundingly: no. I did not like it. Michelle laughed harder than I expected, although it’s probably not totally funny to me because I had to clean it up. Messy punchlines are the worst.
Hot Chris slash C-DAWG, who didn’t realize he appeared on my site, much less by my terms of endearment. He found out today when someone let the Hot Chris out of the bag. He was all, “Hot who?” and then Jason promptly directed him to the blog. THANKS JASON. Way to not make it really awkward later. Chris did come up and talk to me while I was waiting in the car (it’s volleyball day again at the office), and he was extremely friendly. Hot Chris likes me! Yes! In all of our meetings, we’ve exchanged probably two paragraphs worth of words. This was a huge deal today; a whole conversation. On the ride back, I told Jason about it, and he was like, “Chris doesn’t want you to think he’s shy. That’s why he talked to you.” WHAT. AND THANKS JASON.
I looked at ‘Zombiefighter’ for the first time tonight and felt so totally– I just felt like I’m a terrible author, this story is boring, does anyone care but me, maybe I should give it up. I felt so defeated. This story is just never going to end, and I’m not doing justice to it. I suck. I should scrap it and start over.
I won’t. But I feel like it. Maybe it’s this two year anniversary that’s getting to me. How long does it take to write a novel, anyway? Shouldn’t this get easier?
Final aside: I joined Facebook today. I know: ushering in the future here. Please, feel free to add me as I have virtually no friends currently and can always use new ones.
EDIT: I was going to put this in the comments, but wanted to make sure everyone sees it– THANKS FOR ADDING ME GUYS! You are all so awesome. It’s ridiculously exciting to see a new friend request pop up in my Inbox. Hee. I’m going to try and send you all a comment or wall message as soon as I can– my mom is supposed to be here in a few hours, so it’ll either be before or after her arrival, but IT’S COMING. PROMISE. Yay for social networking!
EDIT, AGAIN: Because my last name is visible on the site, I only left the link up for about 24 hours. If you want to be Facebook friends from here on out, email me and I’ll add you. THANKS!
I’m adding you on Facebook!
Every time you mention Ikea, I’m jealous. The closest one to me is over an hour away so I’ve never been. Though that’s probably good for my bank account. lol
I’ll add you on Facebook, too.
The pregnancy drama of “am I or am I not” is overwhelming and just plain stompy at times. I had a few days of that the other day and because I felt like I MIGHT be then I loved eating more ritz crackers and cheese and I ate the entire box and the entire package of cheese. And then I took a test. I’m not. And now I’m eyeing the other box of ritz crackers very carefully.
I do the same thing..complain about POSSIBLY being pregnant for 2 days, take a test and then realize..oh, I’m just lazy!
Hope Michelle has a better time in NY! And your book will get finished..and it will be so worth it when it’s done!
I added you on FB!
I would feel so horribly weird about the hot chris thing (okay embarassed to the extreme) if that were me.
Oh and speaking of Zombie Fighter I keep looking at the work count and hoping a link will magically appear with another tid bit to read, because after the little i have read I really want to know where the story is going and what happens.
Ok, just throwing my two cents in. I am always bummed when you are not pregnant. Call it selfish. But I dig weekly photos and updates up babies
Becca,
I can feel you completely on writing a novel and kind of burning out. I have two on my computer (now that I think of it, maybe 3?). The first one, my baby that I completely gutted and re-did because I felt there wasn’t enough character development, is currently about 17 trade-paperback sized pages, and the other probably doesn’t crack 10. I get so excited — I’ll outline, buy notebooks to scribble ideas and character development stuff into, take it to work and insert stuff it it hits me. I’ve uploaded copies onto my PDA so that I can write anywhere if it hits me. But, I hit these huge walls. I’ll write, write, write, then suddenly, I’ve got a sick case of writers’ block. It can take me months to clear it out, and by then, I start to figure it’s too stupid. Then, I’ll repeat the cycle.
So, don’t feel too bad. You definitely are NOT a terrible author, from what I read when you had posted that preview! I know it doesn’t really get easier, and I want to own it and read it one day!
I went ahead and added you on facebook, hope you don’t mind!
Just popping in to commiserate on the novel angst front; I HATE going back and looking at mine (which is going into its third re-write after five or so years), because of the same reasons you stated.
Becca! I don’t comment much, but I had to say, this was the first time I’ve ever seen your last name, and I LOVE IT. It suits you. And if I had Facebook, I’d totally add you.
Umm, yeah, that’s all I wanted to say.
you, my dear, are a fantastic writer. i promise.
(my YA novel has been “in the works” for um, 4 years, at least)
The last name thing is making me squeal with glee.
Take a deep breath re: your story. It took J.K. Rowling 17 years to write & publish the H. Piddy books. It took 7 years for David Thewlis to write & publish his. Quality takes time! And stuff. Besides, the practice will pay off in the end.
Look at me, saying this stuff like I know what I’m talking about!
I was happy to see a message in my email saying you had added me on FB!!!!
Heh. I added you as a friend. Now, you just need to find your FB application addiction. I personally love the bumper sticker one.
completely random and off topic comment:
hubby and i were talking about kids and names we like, and i mentioned that i love the name elias for a boy, but that it totally doesn’t go with our last name, and out of nowhere, he asked me: how is elias? and his baby sister pig apples? HAHA! just through reading your blog, even he feels like he knows you!
(and to make it have anything to do with this post, that just shows what an awesome writer you really are! we’ve never met, never really talked even, and i feel like i know you, like “oh yeah, the other day becca said”..haha. i’m sure your novel is coming along great – i can’t wait to buy a copy!!)
I think you should stick at your book!
Or maybe start writing another? But don’t kill off your current one. Then you can go back if you feel the urge.
o0o I will email you about facebook
Oh finally, I have a solid medium in which to bug you. Awesome.
dont be sad about your book becca. <3 i get like that with my art show work too and sometimes you just have to remember that 2 years ago there was NOTHING. that story, that plotline that you arent completely satisfied youre doing justice to yet, came out of your brain and your little fingers. and that’s amazing. you’ve got time, you’ll make it exactly how you want it eventually.
i for one, am totally excited to own a copy.
(i hope that didnt come off too cheesey or trivializing things. i can relate so completely.)