I don’t even know how I’m going to talk about Addie’s party, and the whole weekend, because it was SO endlessly awesome that it’s like coming back from Disneyland (or what I would imagine coming back from Disneyland would be like, since I’ve never been), and trying to tell people not only how great a time you had but what Disneyland actually is.

The trip started off Friday. Pretty standard trip: roads, kids alternating between sleeping and kicking our seats, lakes, trees, trucks. It took me almost two hours to convince Jason to let me use his Blackberry to check my email, and there was a PayPal receipt from the friend (Erica) that I was helping. WOOT! Payment is quite a bit more than expected. This, immediately, sets the weekend up on a good note. Erica: big red heart.

My email makes Jason think of an email that circulated around his office earlier; pertaining to paychecks, paychecks that were supposed to be on their desks but were accidentally mailed instead. One of the HR women sent out a letter saying– and I QUOTE– We are very sorry for any incontinence this may have caused. I’m apparently in fourth grade, because I thought it was the funniest thing ever and repeated it to everyone I saw for the rest of the weekend. Spell check word replacer: big red heart.

(‘Gilmore Girls’ is playing in the background– I’m almost up to Season Four!– and I can’t believe how gorgeous Alexis Bledel is. I don’t know if most women have a ‘type’ of other woman, especially most generally heterosexual women, but dark hair and light eyes has always kills me.)

Get to my parent’s house. Everyone is excited. I eat. Michelle and Chris are there, and my mom bought a Halloween Candy Making Kit for Elias. Rewind: that morning, Elias had found this Wilton candy kit at Wal-Mart. It wasn’t really expensive, but it also wasn’t on the list. I told him maybe he could ask Nana when we saw her. Fast-forward: one of the neighborhood kids tried to “trade” cars with Eli, but Eli didn’t want to trade. I found him on the front step, face in hands, elbows on knees, the Norman Rockwell picture of childhood disappointment. “That kid just twicked me,” he sighed. “He took my car. I just feelin’ so bad. I think I gonna sit here for ten years.” I tried to coax him off the front step, but no dice. Poor little guy. Finally, I lifted him– in that position– and relocated him to the kitchen so I could get him some comfort food. Called my mom about something unrelated, and it came out that Elias was having a bad day. “What would make him feel better?” she asked, and I asked Eli, who considered: “Wemember dat candy making kit? Da Halloween one? DAT would make me feel bettew!”

He is THRILLED to find the kit at my mom’s. He carries it around the entire day and even sleeps next to it.

I call Becky Jo, who is mildly happy when she answers the phone but then finds out that I’m HERE! IN VIRGINIA (yes, it was in caps), and I ask, Can you come over? and she’s like, Well, I DID have a pretty full Friday night of folding laundry in my underwear, but I think I can break plans. BECKY JO! She drives over, and Chris and Michelle and I and both kids wait at the end of the driveway, waving flashlights so she can figure out which house to come to, except it occurs to us when we see her car that shining flashlights directly into her face is probably not the wisest course of action, and are discussing it as we shine the flashlights into her face. Luckily, she parks and exits. Gracefully. And unharmed.

She looks pretty much exactly the same except prettier and older (and, trust me, we are both a lot hotter now; Becky Jo also brought pictures from our ‘fashion shoots’ back in the day, and WOWZA. The bad kind of WOWZA). We unload presents from her backseat. She bought a ridiculous amount of toys: there’s actually a baby shopping cart filled with more gifts. She even brought a bag for Eli: “Because I missed his birthday.” We go in and she asks if we should put everything away, for tomorrow. I don’t know. She says, We can open it now, if– you know– I’m like, I don’t know. Do you want to open it now? Becky Jo: I don’t know… All the girls trade glances. We open the presents.

Becky Jo is enjoying the presents almost as much as I am. She does the same hand-over-the-mouth gasp when they’re opened, like she’s seeing each outfit and toy for the first time, and not like she totally wrapped these and drove them over ten minutes ago. Heh.

My mom says she’ll watch the kids while the group of us (Shelly, Chris, Jason, Becky, and I) go out to pick up last-minute gifts. We’re lame parents and still hadn’t gotten her anything, and now it was about 9:30 at night, and stores were closing. We grab her a toddler potty and some toddler underwear. (I thought it would be so fun and novel to buy non-superhero underwear, but it just felt like more stuff I need to wash later.) “It’s a good thing we’re getting a toilet for this birthday,” I told Jason. “It wouldn’t be great for a sweet sixteen. In fact, that’s the most awful teenage gift I can imagine.”

Jason agreed, “Unless we put wheels on it and said it was in lieu of a car. THAT would make it worse.”

Becky Jo hangs out for a little while. I think. I don’t actually remember how the night ended, just that when we got home the kids were already asleep. My mom had given them a warm bath, and they cuddled up and went right to bed. Of course they’re good for Nana. I tried that bath trick at home, and it didn’t work at all. I know we laughed, a lot, and I’m sure most of the laughter involved Michelle and Becky Jo and I, and Jason played Warcraft in the living room like he did the majority of the trip. I also think this is when my mom took Becky Jo to the basement, to give her a tour of the pirate tavern. Becky Jo was impressed. She especially liked the pirate bar. “How did you get this stuff on the top?” she asked.

“Well, we covered it in, like, thick varnish,” my mom began. “And we thought, to make it dry faster, we’d put it out in the sun. But then we came out and saw the varnish had bubbled up. So we said, ‘Oh, crap, it’s ruined!’ Then we tried to sand it down to flatten the bubbles. But that just made it look like this. So we were like, ‘Oh, crap, it’s worse!’ And then we thought maybe we could just call them barnacles.”

“And then you were like, ‘Oh crap, it’s perfect!’” Becky Jo (or maybe Michelle) said, and we cracked up. The only thing that kept up with that as a running joke (because you can apply Oh crap, it’s perfect! to pretty much anything) was later, when everyone was hanging out in the living room and my mom was talking about a girl who used to live with us, and when we pried into that history, my mom just waved it off with, “Well, there were a lot of lies going around.” Bwahahahaha. Again, you can apply it to anything. It’s so vague and random and hilarious.

Bedtime. I think I slept pretty well. Woke up, threw some clothes on. My mom starts decorating and cooking, Jason goes back to WoW, the kids play with their new toys. My dad is going to the ABC store on my mom’s motorcycle, so I offer to join him. I don’t care anything about booze, but the whole bike-riding thing is fun.

My helmet is pretty cute, so I just wear it into the liquor store. Inside–

BECCA: You know, even though I don’t really partake in this whole thing, I do appreciate the design of these bottles.

DAD: Yeah, they are something. I like the shape of this one. And the color scheme.

BECCA: I get so much inspiration from this kind of graphic– I mean, look at this typography. That’s unbelievable. And the gradient here, the spacing, it’s all gorgeous.

The employee stocking nearby starts laughing.

DAD: Oh, sorry.

MAN: No, no. You know, I’ve heard a lot of things in the years I’ve worked here, but that has to be the most intelligent conversation I’ve ever listened to.

BECCA: Heh. What’s the most common thing you hear?

MAN: ‘What will get me drunk?’

DAD: No, really?

MAN: Yeah. I’m like, ‘You’re in a store full of alcohol. Grab a bottle.’

Dad buys me a bottle that I like the design on, and a bottle of AfterShock Red, because I like cinnamon and I really think both my parents are hoping I’ll stumble on a drink that I love and can share with them. (PS: My dad poured the AfterShock in a glass and let me basically wet my lips with it, and it’s delicious. Like licking Big Red gum.) More alcohol goes into the cart. And more. We haul it all to the cash register, where the same employee rings us up.

MAN: What’s the occasion?

BECCA: Uh, toddler birthday party.

MAN: Well, you have to make it fun for everyone.

Outside, in the parking lot–

BECCA: Dad, this is not all going to fit in your little saddle bag.

DAD: Yes, it will. I’ll make it fit. They teach you that in motorcycle school; how to pack alcohol into bags.

BECCA: No, they don’t.– Really?

I got teased for that one. Heh.

Back to the house. Val calls and arrives. She hangs streamers and makes seven-layer bean dip. Michelle and Chris show up shortly thereafter. Then Becky Jo. Jason’s brother, Jacob, and his fiancee Jen, show up three times in total– the first two way too early, and the third about thirty minutes before the party starts, making them the fifth and sixth actual guests.

Jason’s parents, Audrey, and Nic arrive. Eat. I have a Boca burger, and it is truly delicious. The majority of us sit in the den to chew and talk, and Addie and Elias put on Random Displays of Cuteness. Addie wins with her total Precious Moments Hat Entry.

Begin: Addie puts a too-big hat on her head.

CROWD: AWWWWW!

Then: Addie’s hat flops down over her face, à la Disney movie.

CROWD: AWWWWWW!

End: Addie lifts hat up to flash a fake shocked expression at her audience.

CROWD: AWWWWW!

Next is presents. There are SO many gifts, and so many good gifts. We’re swimming in pink, cutesy things and baby fashion and educational toys. We finish with cake, and Addie helps Jason blow out the candles.

I’m trying to get to all the good stuff. This has been a long entry already, and I’m looking at the time, and thinking about how warm and soft this bed is, and I need to finish this. Okay. We made cupcakes– actually, I made them– and all the adults have cupcakes while Addie picks at the small main cake. She hates the frosting. Go figure. We officially deem the party over. Jacob, Jen, Sharman and John leave. The rest of the group hangs out for another hour or two, watching Addie play with her gifts. We tell a story about Audrey in a state of undress that has been told many times before, especially in this company, but she gets really red and embarrassed, and I can’t believe how adorable it is to see her flustered like that. I’ve NEVER seen her flustered like that. Ever.

Nic tells us about his job, which sounds better than pretty much any other job in the history of the world.

Michelle, Becky Jo, and Elias make the Halloween candies. The whole “painting in a candy mold” concept seems easy until you attempt it. They tasted a lot better than they looked. No offense, guys.

Everyone starts to filter out until just Becky Jo is left. BECKY JO TIME! Michelle, Becky Jo, and I spend the next several hours wandering around the house and being ridiculous. The kids crash, so we decide to play Cranium. It’s impossible with three people. Instead, we take turns reading the cards to each other. I get Monica Lewinsky, and I don’t realize that I can TALK and not ACT IT OUT; so I do, in fact, act it out– in the most PG way I can think of, and in a way that will not be burned into anyone’s brain, including my father, who is working on his computer three feet away.

Elias and Addie wake up, then go back to bed. Wake up. Sleep. My parents get tired of our inane jokes and head off to bed. (My mom actually kind of does a brief “yeah, laugh it up, I’m outta here speech”, which made me laugh harder. I can’t help it. I told you, I laugh at the most awkward and inopportune times.)

(You know what? I was supposed to bring Nick the Video Store Guy a cupcake tonight. I’m sorry, Nick, if you’re reading this. There were none left. They were quite the hit, seeing as I am quite the baker. Heh. Also, Nick the Video Store Guy gave me one of the greatest compliments of my life recently, when we were talking about what I did and I said I was a writer. Oh, I thought so, he nodded. I asked him why. He answered, Well, you talk to people so much, and you really listen to what they say. It made my whole night. Now I really wish I had that cupcake for him.)

Becky Jo, Michelle, and I hang out in the basement so there’s more floors between us and the sleeping children, but it doesn’t matter, because we manage to get so loud we wake them up again. Jason comes down, in full Dad Mode. “QUIET YOU GUYS!” he hisses. He might have slashed his finger across his neck, too, but I don’t remember.

It gets late. I walk both of them to the door, since both their respective husbands want their wives back. As I’m in the middle of hugging Becky and promising to see her soon, Addie walks to the top of the stairs and starts screaming BLOODY MURDER. I run up to grab her, and by the time I get back, everyone is gone. Sigh.

The next five hours is a blur of Addie yelling, Addie yelling more, Jason coming upstairs, falling asleep, Addie eating cucumber shampoo she found, Addie being scolded, Addie yelling, Addie pacing the same four feet in the room, laying down, whining, standing up, whining, and then me eventually joining her in a big yelling, whiny chorus. “GO TO BED!” I snap at her at 4:12 in the morning. We’re all in one big room, so there’s no relief. “This is not the way I want to start your second year.” If this is two, it truly IS terrible.

When my parents get up, they offer to take the kids on a walk. Pile them in the big green wagon, and Jason and I go upstairs to get more rest. God bless my parents. Wake up in the late morning, eat breakfast, chat a little, pack up the car. Say goodbye. Drive to Sharman’s. She shows us all the toys she got at a huge sale, and we look at the pool in their backyard. We didn’t even know they had a pool until the day before. Jacob is going in the pool and asks if Eli can get in.

Elias loves the pool, and splashing with Jacob, and he’s in his underwear because we didn’t pack a suit. I’m sure the underwear part made it even more fun. I watch them for the first ten minutes or so, taking pictures and talking. Then I switch with J and Sharman, because the bugs are eating me alive. Jacob gets out of the pool. Elias is still in, with Jason and Sharman watching him. I sit down with Addie and play restaurant.

The next thing I know, Elias is out of the pool and getting toweled off, and when they come inside, Jason’s pants are soaked. Elias was playing on a raft, and he flipped over. Jason said Eli didn’t stand up, he just stayed under the water. “It was so creepy, and so scary,” he told me, still worked up. “His eyes were open and he was just watching me when I dove in to get him.” (I’m completely horrified, and guilty that I wasn’t there to jump in too.) Elias is fine. He swallowed a bit of water, but he’s more overwhelmed with what happened.

“Daddy just saved me!” he gushes. “I was so scared and I said HELP HELP, HELP MOMMY and Daddy jumped in da water and he SAVED me, like a hero!”

(PS: The ‘help, Mommy’ part? The guilt QUADRUPLED.)

We get ready to leave. On the stairs, Addie wants us to hold her. We sandwich her little body between ours and kiss her soft face.

“Happy birthday, baby girl,” I croon. “Two years ago, we were just welcoming you into our lives.”

“And nine months before THAT–” Jason says, and I elbow him. Addie frowns: “EW. YUCK!”

Drive home. It rains, which makes the trip longer and more tense. “I’m putting our ETA at 8:34,” Jason announces. “Just did the math in my head. 8:34 should be about right.”

8:33, we pulled in our driveway. So close. Still, by far the most accurate estimated time of arrival in my travels.

Yesterday, I cleaned and watched ‘Gilmore Girls’. Today, I cleaned, watched ‘Gilmore Girls’, took the kids to the library and the cookie store, and watched six episodes of ‘Yo Gabba Gabba’. I think the original episode is still the best. Although the new one with the hugging song is cute, because every time it plays, Addie walks around the room hugging everything in arm’s length.

OH! And! I knew there was something I was forgetting! Leatitia‘s box of Kinder Eggs arrived while we were out of town! We got them yesterday, and even though the chocolate had melted and cracked, the kids went completely nuts with joy. “OH. MY. GOK,” Elias gasped when I opened up the package. “IT’S. DA. KINDER! EGGS! IT IS LIKE I DREAMED!”

Thank you Leatitia, thank you Erica, thank you Mom and Dad, thank you everyone who showed up at the party, thank you Becky Jo, thank you thank you thank you. You all made this one of the loveliest collection of days in my life– our lives– and made a special event even more memorable. I don’t even know how I’m going to plan my 25th birthday after this. Heh. It just can’t get much better.